Moving on is a struggle, regardless of whether the end of the relationship was initiated by only one person or agreed upon by both parties. The most difficult part of moving on is letting go of the past and accepting change. Why is letting go so hard to do? Here we outline 13 reasons.
1. The memories are too strong.
Memories are very hard to forget because of the strong associations we have formed with certain objects and ideas. When we think of places and things, we remember experiences with that person. However, what often comes to mind are the good memories that you have enjoyed together. Remind yourself that it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies, and there is a reason you’re not together anymore. You have to ask yourself if you are really missing them, or just the idea of them.
Even after some time has passed, we find ourselves trying to fill that void we feel after experiencing a break-up. You find yourself unfocused on what’s happening in the present because you’re so consumed by the past, dwelling on regrets of what could have and should have been. The right way to deal with regret is through acceptance. Accept that things have changed, and you may not be able to change the past but you can change the way you think about it.
3. They inspired you to change, and you liked the person you became when you were with them.
They’ve left their mark on us, and it’s not easy to deny that. They inspired you to become a better person and once they left, you didn’t know who you were anymore. They came into your life for a reason and you should be grateful of the lessons they taught you, instead of holding on to resentments. Ultimately, you are always changing and growing. Remember that you are not yet the best version of yourself. You will meet others who will continue to mold you into someone better.
4. It’s painful to think that they have already moved on.
You’ve gone your separate ways already, but you hate the thought of them being with someone else. It’s normal to feel hurt when you realize that they can be happy with another person who isn’t you, especially when you remember all those times they told you otherwise. What you don’t realize is that you are far stronger than you know. You survived before they entered your life, and you will get through it without them around as well. Things will never truly go back to the way they once were, so it’s better to keep looking forward. There’s no good that comes with stalking them or contacting them when you’re still hurting. Maybe you can still be friends one day, but not right now.
5. They have become your basis of comparison.
When you find that you compare all succeeding relationships to them, this means that you are still dealing with unresolved issues. Perhaps you never got the closure you wanted when things ended between you two or you believe that you won’t find anyone better than them. When you keep comparing new people to your old flame, the same patterns and problems may reoccur. You won’t be able to welcome new love into your life if you haven’t been able to let go of grudges and resentments.
6. You’re afraid of change.
Now that they are no longer in life, it’s hard to imagine what the future would be like without them. You’re scared that you’ve lost your shot at happiness and that your life is incomplete. We dislike change because change brings about instability, when in fact change is the most constant thing in this world. Change is not always a bad thing. In fact, it can be a motivational force that makes you improve your life for the better.
7. You feel cheated.
You are reminded of all the promises they made. Gaining your trust was not easy but they worked hard to get it, and now that things have ended, you think that they were lying. You end up questioning their honesty and whether your relationship was actually genuine. These feelings come out of insecurity. If they told you they loved you and wanted to be with you, that was probably true at the time, but their feelings changed and you have to respect their decision.
8. You feel like you’ve not only lost a lover, but a friend as well.
It’s hard to deal with a breakup because of all the strong feelings that come from that. The tears. confusion and anger your experience are just the tip of the iceberg. However, when you actually had a good friendship with your ex as well, it is more painful to accept that you’ve lost that relationship completely. Some people believe that you can’t be friends with your ex. This is true if you are still harboring feelings for them and are not able to move on yet. But in time, you might be able to reclaim that friendship even though the romance is gone if you’re both willing to do it.
9. Your ego and self-esteem are shattered.
You feel like things ended because something is wrong with you, and that you could have done things differently to save the relationship. The depression you feel after heartbreak can last for a long time and render you powerless, but it is not impossible to pull yourself out of it. At this point, it is important to talk and surround yourself with understanding people. Seclusion will only make you feel worse. Get your life back on track by spending time with those people who are important to you and let their love heal you.
10. You still resent them.
If they broke it off with you, you still think that they made a big mistake and can’t find it in yourself to forgive them. You don’t understand how they’ve been able to move on so quickly while you are here, still feeling attached. One way or another, you’ve got to let go of that resentment. It is not worth holding on to the hurt. Staying angry at them can’t and won’t solve anything.
11. You thought that they were “The One”.
Sometimes things are not meant to be, as painful as that may seem. Maybe you broke up because timing was off, or things just did not work. If they are truly “The One”, then they will come back to you some way or another. You don’t need them to feel loved or happy or secure. You are the only person who can do that for yourself. So take this time to develop your relationship with yourself, the most important person in your life.
12. You don’t want to.
You’ve asked people for advice on how to move on (because they make it look so easy!) but aren’t actually following the advice. Instead, you spend your free time stalking your ex online. You still think about them all the time. You don’t like your new life, and can’t stand being alone. Like all things in life, you have to want it bad to make it happen. If you want to move on, they you have to distance yourself from anything that reminds you of your ex. It will take time to get better, but believe that you can do it. They came and taught you things only they could teach you, and now it’s time to use these lessons to make better choices and keep living.
13. Mutual friends.
Having mutual friends with your ex is tough because this increases the chances of bumping into them after the break-up when all you want to do is avoid them and have your own space. Mutual friends will tempt you to ask about how your ex is doing and if they have started dating again. It’s best to hang out with these friends separately from your ex, if you can help it.